remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
