meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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