Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You took a bar mat shot.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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