your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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