God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
