last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
