I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
