I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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