I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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