I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
