remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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