There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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