What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
