The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
