Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
