his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
