So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
