More tranny stories later!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
