i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
