o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
