dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
