you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
