I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
