covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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