So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
