i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
