I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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