I haven't been this sober since birth.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
