And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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