if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
