I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
