Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
