I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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