and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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