Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
