Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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