I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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