I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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