College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
