just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
