i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
