That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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