Swine flu. Run for my life!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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