you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
