You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
