Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
