i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
