I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
