you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
