I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
