I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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